I have a secret......

I have a semi-scandalous secret.... I love The Maury Show. Love it. Here are some points I would like to make about the Maury Show.
-Maury is the best dressed 71 year old in the entire world
-Maury is likely the only 71 year old in the entire world that let's younger people swear that much and talk about all that random sex
-Knowing that there are people out there who don't know who of six guys is the father of their babies, makes me feel better about my life
-You can never get sick of hearing "When it comes to (fill in age here - example: five month old) (fill in name here - example: Lafawnda), (fill in name here - example: Dwayne).... you are .... NOT the father" and "The lie detector determined that that ... WAS a lie"

Now, here are some things to think about before you go on Maury:
-If your loved one is bringing you on Maury and won't tell you why, it's not going to be good
-If your loved one is bringing you on Maury, she just had a baby and it doesn't really look like you, get ready to give your DNA
-If your loved one is bringing you on Maury and she thinks you're cheating on her and while you're waiting in the green room or in the limo on the way to the show, if there is a sexy girl who's willing to make out with you the second she meets you, SHE IS A DECOY. Do not make out with her. And please, like Billy on today's show, do not "expose" yourself to the sexy decoy.
-If you're going on Maury and you're not sure who of these 25 guys is the father of your child, you should perhaps sit down with your day planner/journal and a calendar, look up the reproductive cycle online and try to narrow it down..... just a little bit

in·tim·i·date

On the weekend, a friend of mine indicated that I may, in fact, be intimidating. Not only was I somewhat shocked to hear this from one person, but was reeaaaalllllly shocked to have a few other people confirm this "intimidating" status.

To grasp this whole idea a little more, I asked the husband if he thought I was intimidating. His response: "I don't know.... you're a little intense".

Okay, intense I can handle. The husband then explained that I'm just a bit intense when things are good and bad. Okay, that I can also handle because, well, I am a little intense. But is that the same as intimidating??

I was honestly shocked to hear this. Why? Because I am, in fact, shy. Now I know what you're all thinking... well, those of you who "know" me. NTQ, you are not shy. You're loud, kind of obnoxious, and quite frankly, annoying half the time. But no, really, I'm shy. And awkward. You put me in a group of people I don't know, I won't know what to say. And in order to not trip all over my words, I just stay pretty quiet.

I think the reason I do this is because I know I'm loud, kind of obnoxious and quite frankly, annoying half the time. I would prefer not to be (well, loud I can handle, the rest isn't that great), so I prefer to stay quiet until people decide they like me...... then I becoming annoying.

So, if you're reading this, and know me in real life, please know that I'm not. I'm actually shy and don't know what to say most of the time. Please talk to me..... I promise, I won't be mean! And I am now making it my New Years Resolution to not be intimidating! Whoot! Go me!

Winter driving: Some tips that perhaps you should try to remember

A week and a half ago we were all living in a nice fall world. The weather was cooling off, but the sun was out and the pavement was beautiful, grey and clear.

Then four feet of snow dumped itself on London, it warmed up again and kind of rained and then froze and then it kept snowing. The result: the roads are totally shit-tacular. And the stupid people that couldn't drive when the roads were totally clear, REALLY can't drive once they are covered is snow, ice, slush and water.

I have seen a couple things that have quite upset me while driving and they are my tips for you to remember not to do these things:

1) Do not slam your foot on the gas to do anything when you're on ice or in a bunch of slush. This will result in you: spinning your tires, going further than you want, sliding or hitting a tree. Not productive. With that....

2) Do not pull out in front of someone. Whether it be turning left with on coming traffic, turning right into moving traffic or any other thing involving cutting someone off.... not a good idea because you will likely only accomplish the things listed in #1 AND you have no idea how fast I can stop.... or not stop, as the case may be. This will result in a crash.

3) Do not, I repeat, DO NOT pass another car in a residential zone. Or in any "non-passing" area, including intersections. Yes, you're right, I (or another driver) may not have slammed my foot on the gas to get going (see #1) or cut someone off to get three seconds ahead in my drive (see #2) but this by no means means that you can serve out and around me in a middle of a subdivision. This makes you look like a super douche. And you run the risk of doing #1 and #2 which means you'll likely spin out into a tree and then into another car.

Let's remember this people: we are driving around in metal boxes that are not indestructible and are unpredictable. When you add in slush, ice, snow and uneven roads to zoom along on, it's a messy situation .Think of other drivers, think of yourself and drive safe!!