Everything I've Learned in Life I've Learned from Oprah!

Alright, it's no secret to those of you who know me.... i LOVE Oprah! I've basically been watching Oprah since I was probably about 10 years old. I know this because she'll show clips for 1994 and I can actually REMEMBER seeing that episode when it was originally aired.

I'm pretty sure that everything I've learned in life I've learned from Oprah.... well, okay, not EVERYTHING, but you know what I mean. Things I've learned on Oprah:

• Oprah has a half sister that was given up for adoption and just figured it all out in the past three years! - CRAZY!!!!!
• If you're ever attacked and have a chance to fight back, first you smash the guy in the nose (it will make his eyes water) then kick him in the balls and then run like mad, regardless of whether or not you'd like to remain there and kick his ass some more
• If you're ever attacked/held up do everything you can to not leave the first area you're in.... or else you'll likely die.
• If you're kidnapped and put in the back of the trunk, kick out a back light and wave your arm around.
• If you're kidnapped and sitting in the passanger seat, at a light, try to move your foot over and push the gas peddle and create an accident.
• 1 in 10 women are wearing the wrong sized bra and that getting the right sized bra is life altering
• If you fold your pillow in half and it doesn't automatically flip back to flat, it's time for a new pillow
• Everything in life is better if you share it with others
• Kristie Alley is hilarious - and will likley battle her weight for her entire life
• Jenna Jameson is actually a pretty killer business gal
• Your poop should be S shaped
• Jay-Z will use the N word because he wants to take the power out of the word.... Oprah doesn't like or use the N word because she thinks of men who were lynched and that's the last thing they ever heard
• Some people are REALLY fucked up
• Texting while driving is deadly - don't do it!

Okay..... this is just a tiny list. It could go on and on and on. The point: It sucks Oprah's retiring.... silver lining - a WHOLE network dedicated to all things Oprah. Heaven!